Desky Lewis 
Sources inform that Zlatan Ibrahimovic has made an almost miraculous recovery from a knee injury that would have ended the career of players half his age. So, what is his secret? Witchcraft? Voodoo? Alien technology? Desky Lewis investigates the big Swedish freak of nature. Born in a region of Sweden with gravity far greater than … Read more
Rumour has it that United are considering a swoop for newly relegated Jermaine Defoe, offering him the Premier League lifeline of a one-year contract. The rationale behind the proposed transfer is that Defoe would be able to provide both competition and education for the teenage prodigy Marcus Rashford who Mourinho apparently views as the future … Read more
In a post-match interview on Tuesday night, United manager Jose Mourinho described Luke Shaw as using ‘his body with my brain’. Quite clearly Mr Mourinho has been employing some sort of mind control on Shaw. This could well be the reason that United are drawing so many matches this season; if Mourinho’s brain is having … Read more
Reports surfaced over the weekend that Manchester United falling star Wayne Rooney could still be transferred before the Chinese Super League transfer deadline on February the 28th. The 31-year-old player, affectionately nicknamed ‘Rooney’ by the United faithful, has not started a Premier League game for the club since mid-December, and despite becoming the Red Devil’s … Read more
It is the news that Manchester United fans have been dreading. The eleventh hour bid by Armenian Champions Shirak Gyumri to tempt Marouane Fellaini away from Manchester in this January transfer window, is in danger of falling through. The rest of the Premier League is also holding its’ collective breath as the transfer teeters on … Read more