Fellaini Transfer in a Hair’s Breadth from Collapse

Man United Fans

It is the news that Manchester United fans have been dreading. The eleventh hour bid by Armenian Champions Shirak Gyumri to tempt Marouane Fellaini away from Manchester in this January transfer window, is in danger of falling through.

The rest of the Premier League is also holding its’ collective breath as the transfer teeters on the verge of collapse, hoping and praying that a compromise can be reached between representatives of both clubs and Mr Fellaini’s agent, Luciano D’Onofrio.

One anxious Premier League manager (who requested that we do not use his real name in this article so we shall refer to him simply as ‘Big S’) clearly nervous at the toing & froing in this transfer saga commented that,

“Fellani is worth around fifteen goals a season to United’s opponents…” The manager, visibly shaken by proceedings, took a moment to compose himself and have a swig at his pint of wine before adding “…for teams like us battling for survival at the wrong end of the table, Fellaini’s own-goals and his gifts to the opposition are priceless. Having a fit and fired up Marouane Fellaini on the pitch in opposition can be the difference between Premier League survival and relegation to the Championship.”

The dispute that threatens to destabilise Fellaini’s move appears to be centred around image rights; Manchester United are claiming that the player signed two separate contracts when he transferred from Everton to United in 2013: The first contract was a straight player transfer worth, a United source claims, around £7.5 million, nothing complicated there. However, a second contract was signed worth somewhere in the region of £20 million for the image rights to Marouane Fellaini’s hair.

Armenian Champions Shirak are reported to be keen to sign the player, who United have said can leave for around £3 million, but are adamant that they do not have the resources to meet the hefty £25 million price tag United are said to be demanding for Mr Fellaini’s hair. Fellaini’s hair’s stock has soared following successive vibrant and full-bodied displays for both club and country, whereas the player, whilst still a force to be reckoned with if played to his strengths, had a pretty forgetful Euros last summer and has only been a bit-part player at United since Jose Mourinho took over as Manager in 2016.

Fellaini has been informed if he wishes to maintain his place in a very talented Belgium national team it is imperative that he plays regular first team football. It is looking increasingly likely as this drama unfolds that if Marouane Fellaini is serious about following his dream of winning a major honour with his beloved Belgian National Team, he and his hair may have to go their separate ways.

The saga continues…